I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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