If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
