You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
