I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize