a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
