so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
