Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All the doctor said was why
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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