Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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