You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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