Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
