..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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