He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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