I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
