Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
