This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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