Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
