You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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