Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
third nipple confirmed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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