im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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