I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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