I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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