I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
