Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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