I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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