Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
