There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My life is pants optional.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize