i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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