This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
