Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We smell like vodka and hangover
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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