I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
