Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
