Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
