my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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