Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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