bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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