She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
