I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
