I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
