Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
