she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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