I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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