all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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