that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
