I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
