I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
