You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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