don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
