He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize