Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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