based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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