I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
