Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
