Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
