Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
