I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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