i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
