I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
