Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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