Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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