I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
