so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
