I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm bleeding and have questions
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
