I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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