I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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