My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
