I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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