i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
