Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
