i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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