Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
