hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
