we're blogging at a bar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
