it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
