she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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