bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
