the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
