Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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